I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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