I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
