...so i touched it.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
