Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
