best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
