Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
