Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
