It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
