2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
