I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
