Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
