I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i think my cat just said my name.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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