Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
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