1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
