It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
