remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
