if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
