She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
