She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
