Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
