I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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