When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
