She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
