Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
