I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
