When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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