I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
