life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
