I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
