I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
