you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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