Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
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