who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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