All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
...so i touched it.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
