Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
