im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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