Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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