The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
