Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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