if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
