My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
