found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
