I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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