We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
