yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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