When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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