What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
