He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
