Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
