i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
tell me about the fingering
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
