just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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