Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
