guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I will die if light touches me.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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