Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm like, not good at living.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
