I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
