hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
