im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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