I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Found your dick twin last night
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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