with your own penis?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
