my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
