The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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